KUWTK Is Back!

2007 is when the Kardashians first burst on the scene with their E! reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, now eight years and eleven seasons later it’s hard to recall a time where this family wasn’t dominating all forms of media.

With so many family members and so many years following their every move on and off the show we’re starting to feel the Armenian-fatigue. The season premiere didn’t show us anything new and excited but instead recounted what we missed over the one month they were gone. That’s right, this season takes place just ONE month after the last!

We’re not sure we’ll be able to put an hour aside each week to catch up for the rest of the season so we’ve decided to tell you what’s going to happen.

Kim is going through the motions of another ‘traumatic’ pregnancy. The unabashed lead of the show from the previous years is now a fully-fledged calculating mogul, never casting her voice to one side or another of an argument, never dealing with any truly difficult or raw. Her every move is vanilla, she’s too big for this show now, she knows it and so do we. She only appears now to keep her family in a steady paycheque. Sporadically swishing in and out of scenes to act as the agony aunt to anyone that needs it, she really is putting across the image of a sweet and insightful confidant.

Kourtney is still dealing with her split from Scott, clearly holding back so the story can be dragged out over the next ten episodes before they inevitably reconcile once again. Known to be the boring sister in recent years she’s desperately putting across the image that she’s young, free and single away from her nine-year relationship. She will part time as ready to live her life, and being mother Theresa.

Khloe’s storyline is her fitting into the ‘sexy’ sister role as Kim is pregnant and Kourt is a full-time mom. Her sexy Complex shoot is covered, which is great getting another look at the flawlessness once more, however it is strange how she made such a commotion over this being her first sexy shoot. Does anybody remember her nude Peta shoot? Or that ridiculous video she made for Lemar a few seasons ago? In the upcoming previews they’re gearing up to turn her into a ‘gymoholic’, which would explain the plethora of gym-geared candids we’ve seen on Instagram. I guess you can only have so many seasons dedicated to her divorce before you have to create another storyline for the youngest Dash sister. Though we’re sure to get another glimpse of this Khloe with Lemar’s recent health struggles.

Dominating the media, and the only thing on the show close to likeable, is Caitlyn. She sort of appears on the show, but not really. Every scene that involves her is usually her on the phone, or FaceTime. They seem to be creating stories about her without her involvement to keep the topical member pulling in the ratings and column inches. The sad thing about this is the sisters seem to only pop in with her when they want her to appear for them. While we have no doubt they’re happy for the Olympian to be living her truth, the producers strong-arming her into every episode reeks of inauthenticity.

The true stars and who should really be taking the helm of the show are the two youngest sisters, Kylie and Kendall. Their argument in the episode was the only scene that actually came across as real. If the producers were smart they’d bump these two up and follow Kendall more closely around New York. Heck, even a spin-off for the pair would probably be better and breathe new life into this exhaustive series. We’re sure Kylie will be frequenting more in upcoming episodes with her much-publicised relationship with Tyga and her much wanted reputation of being a ‘bad bitch’. Watch out for her not turning up to family events, sneaking off to do ‘shady’ activities and pulling away for her youngest sibling status by flaunting her goodies.

On the flip-side Kendall will most likely follow in Kim’s footsteps of shying away with her vanilla attitude, never allowing an opportunity for herself to do anything meaningful as she’s a real model now guys. She’ll probably appear in five episodes as she pulls away from this brand, while she becomes a high fashion model that she totally achieved by herself, with no help from her family name.

Not a Kardashian but fan-favourite Scott will be playing his redemption storyline. You’ll see no Lord Disick as he shows he’s actually a really nice guy, caring father and responsible adult. Until maybe 3 episodes in where he’ll no doubt be caught with a stripper, cocaine and a brawl as he embarks on yet another week long blackout. Any fans he once had will all turn on him as the family will spend countless hours and interviews slandering him and dragging his name through the mud, as they do to anyone who dare cross the family. Kris Humphries ring a bell?

Kris is going to be Kris, the devil who’s orchestrating all these events to make a dollar. She will desperately attempt to make you feel like Caitlyn’s tradition was harder on her than her ex-husband, while she secretly hates that fact she has been largely overshadowed by the sweet person who used to stand in the background and hold her purse. (Remember when she was only allowed to use the garage as her area, only for Kris to take that from her too.) She will probably start spilling more about her new beau after she’s run out of tears to shed for her recent divorce. That being said she’s bound to get drunk and give us the biggest laugh of the season as always.

Also, did you know that their other spin-offs Miami, New York, The Hamptons have all officially ended, the only one remaining is the new Dash Dolls, headed by Khloe’s besties Malika and Khadijah Haqq running the Kardashian sisters clothing store Dash. Seems like the reality empire could be ending sooner than we think!

The only question we really want answering though is WHERE IS ROB?

Watch The New Trailer Here

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