Top 10: Disney Princesses

Disney movies are classic gay cinema, and the princesses are kind of our version of pin-ups. These ladies helped shape our childhood so we’ve decided to create this list to share our views on who does it better.

For this list we included only human princesses, and only the official cast. This means contenders like Esmerlda, Sofia the First, and Tinkerbell are not valid, amongst others.

10. Snow White


Okay, so she may have gotten white girl wasted on an apple and spent a large part of the film passed out, but she has to be included in our list as this is the princess that started it all and paved the way for future (and better) additions. Plus, she gets bonus points for being so hot she makes others literally want to kill her, shacking up with seven guys and that fab glass coffin. Get it girl!

9. Jasmine


Unabashedly sassy, and fierce Jasmine is a strong contender for this list. For starters she is the sexiest of all princesses, she and Aladdin save one another intermittently and she has a freaking pet tiger! She was the first non-white princess with a phenomenal wardrobe to match, and at one point parkours over buildings.

8. Merida


This Scottish addition is a Pixar/Disney collab so looks slightly different than the typical Disney princess, often left out of the pack. She is indeed a certified member however! She’s against wanting to be betrothed and will fight for her freedom and her family. A total badass edition to the list!

7. Cinderella


While not so much a badass, all this girl wanted was a night on the town after being demoted from heiress to housemaid by her step-mom. We respect her determination to get turnt. Plus she must be seriously enticing after attending a ball with all the women in the land, the prince was captivated by only her. He even searched for her throughout the entire land. We bumped her higher for her being the quintessential princess.

6. Ariel


She was the first red-head, and she provided hair goals. Plus, she was a damn mermaid. Her shell bra is shabby chic, and the gown later on point. While she may be a secret hoarder, her commitment to dick sees her give up her voice for a prince. People use this to downplay her but mermen have fins, how else was she gonna catch a D.

5. Pocahontas


Pocahontas always bring the jams, ‘Colours of the Wind’ and ‘Just Around the River Bend’ are total floor fillers. She is a tough bitch, and teaches us a very important lesson about men. If your man drops you with no explanation for months, get another, and then when he comes back send him off again. Thats right, this princess had two different partners.

4. Belle


Belle is smart, beautiful and caring. She wasn’t looking for a man, she just wanted to help her father out. The entire town sings of her beauty, yet she doesn’t seem to give this any attention. Her only mistake was choosing the beast over Gaston. Literally Gaston was to bomb. Her golden gown is arguably the most iconic look of all.

3. Tiana


Tianas a real bitch, she has a 9 to 5 at a restaurant and even starts her own business, get that money! Totally grounded and just the right amount of cynicism, she’s definitely someone we would hang out with. She gets a hawt guy that she kind of stole from her bestie. She totally deserves her crown after almost transforming into a frog for her man, ew.

2. Anna


It’s strange for a new addition to top the list after growing up with all of these classic characters, but Anna totally deserves it. So charming,, so real and so cute. She loves chocolate like us, she wakes up with bed head like us, and after one guy lets her down she moves on in a matter of minute, like us. We basically are Anna. Plus her true love being her sister is one of the best story lines these girls have going! Sisters are doing it for themselves.

1. Mulan


Always number one, no other princess can beat Mulan. While she’s not technically a princess, it shows how great she is that she can still top the list. She basically saved China, yeah your fave may have gotten the prince or at best fought off a villain, but Mulan saved China. She normalised trans when she spent most of the film as a man, and her winning attitude kept her at the front of the pack physically proving to be a true feminist icon on screen for young girls. It also helps her prince is 10/10 and sexually-curious. You go Fa Mulan!

The ones who didn’t make it: Rapunzel, we love Rapunzel and her weave is beyond! But there are only so many places on the list, while she could have replaced some others easily with her strength and curiosity, we’re sticking by our decision. Aurora, she’s like really pretty, her hair is laid for the Gods and we can totally relate to her bedroom antics but she literally slept for almost all the film. She legit missed all the action, bye Felicia. Elsa, her sister made the list and with her taste in decor, her allegory for homosexuality and that freaking dress she made with her own hands however she is mostly a Queen, not a princess.

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