Golden Globes: Review

The Peoples Choice Awards may have aired recently but the Globes mark the true beginning of award season.

By now we have reviewed all the important movies, and given our picks to who we think should win. We’ve posted those who actually took home awards, so now all thats left is to give you a rundown of the night! The review reads more as our rambling thoughts of a liveblog as we view. Warning: Spoilers! Second Warning: it was kinda a boring show all in all.

First up the returning host, after two amazing years of beloved comedy duo, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, the only person who could truly keep up retook the stage: Ricky Gervais! Known for his no-nonsense attitude, he roasted the celebs in good spirit and said all the things we were quietly saying ourselves. Such as The Martian is not a comedy!

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Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill kicked off the proceedings with a painfully unfunny segment about Hill being the bear in The Revenant though as he bellowed out half-funny things about not doing press, Tatum filled every moment of silence asking inane questions. We usually love this duo, but this was the first cringe-fest of the night.

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Rachel Bloom was a peasant surprise to win (and one of the only predictions we nailed!). After Jane The Virgin‘s win last year, it’s starting to look like The CW could become a relatively respectable network! Who would’ve thought?

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Andy Samberg came out and delivered one of the best moments of the show, detailing our dream Globes! We won’t write such filth down, but if you see one clip, choose this one.

Gaga appeared dressed relatively normal as she does a lot lately, while she always appears head-to-toe glamour we do miss the days where she would show up to an award show in a latex bikini, or meat dress.

Jamie Foxx was handsome and charming as always, and absolutely killed us when he announced best score for a motion feature to Straight Outta Compton! Though the real winner was The Hateful Eight, that saw Tarantino spiel out another memorable, crazy award speech.

Foxx stayed on stage to announce his daughter as Ms. Golden Globe, and she is absolutely stunning! Following that Eva Longoria and America Ferrara took to the stage and gave a hilarious back-and-forth about people mistaking them for other latin actresses due to their ethnicity.

Jon Hamm finally won a globe, and it’s good timing as it is the last season of Mad Men! Even though we’re sure that show ended like three years ago.

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Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer presented together and gave us an insight into their hilarious dynamic that has made us jealous ever since we found out we weren’t invited to their human pyramid. Totally ready for their movie! Yas qweens.

Matt Damon won for best comedy in The Martian, and we’re still turning our nose up that the movie was allowed in that category. But we like Damon so whatever.

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Kate Winslet and Kurt Russel presented best animated movie and you can almost smell the pills. Inside Out won, obviously. Pixar won out over more complex, interesting films like Anomolisa.

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YAAAAAAS! Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling presented together making the best looking team we’ve seen since Clooney’s Batman and Robin. Their back and forth was humorous but we can’t stop thinking, perhaps Brad’s days are gone for good because we can’t stop looking at Gosling.

Stallone won the award for best supporting actor in a spin-off of a movie that had ten instalments. Nevertheless, for an actor who can barely pronounce the simplest of words, the audience were on their feet in the longest standing ovation of the night. This feels like a total goodbye award.

Mark Wahlberg is attempting comedy yet again, and failing hard yet again while Will Ferrel is just effortlessly funny. While whatshisname is giving his speech for best screenplay, i’m starting to feel the pangs of “maybe I should just catch the rest of the winners on Twitter.”

Jeffry Tambor was favourite to win best actor in a comedy, even Aziz thought so! But Gael García Bernal had a surprise win! Remind us to DVR Mozart in the Jungle, that thing is making the rounds tonight!

Helen Mirren is astoundingly beautiful and hilarious as always. Can she host next year please? Son of Saul won the category nobody cares about ‘Best Foreign-Language’ but as someone who didn’t watch any of the selection I’m giving myself a pat on the back for getting this prediction right! I’m also thinking I should catch up on them in time for the Oscars.

Gervais is back saying the show is WAY too long, yet again reading our minds. We’re now worried our review is way too long and boring, which it is because we can’t be bothered to go back and edit it, sorry!

Kevin Hart and that guy from Community and The Hanover are both funny, though not as funny as Gervais’ joke at their expense. (Side Note: Felicity looks killer with brunette hair and Latifah is looking GOOD).

GAGA WINS! She cries and we truly feel her emotion, knowing she had always dreamed of being an actress, even before singing. The gays start out screaming “Work Gaga!”. She does the gay service doing service to Cher, and thanking Matt Bomer. She reels off the rest of the cast giving sincere gratitude to them. Her speech is the most beautiful of the night, so far. Giving this is her first real acting role we’re excited for the future.

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Apparent rival Katy Perry is up to present, we wonder if they bumped into one another in the corridor. Sam Smith won best original song, so we’re totally excited for an openly gay artist to win! But is anyone else surprised See You Again didn’t scoop the prize?

Gervais brings up the Mel Gibson fiasco, he had previously made a Charlie Sheen joke, and Brangelina adoption jibe. We’re starting to think he needs fresher jokes. It still doesn’t sit right with me Gibson’s allowed back into Hollywood. Though it is fitting he introduced Mad Max.

Gervais asked Gibson a question that was bleeped, but judging by Alan Cummings hands over his mouth, it was a good one! EDIT: Apparently he said “What the fuck is sugar tits?” A comment Gibson allegedly told a female cop during his arrest.

Mr.Robot wins best drama series, and we’re feeling so good that it was our pick and we recommended it to you weeks ago! It looks like we’ll be seeing a lot more Rami Malek on our screens!

Denzel Washington garners the Cecil B Demille award, and we realise we have SO many of his best movies to binge watch. He’s a deserving recipient, and his speech was lovely. He even brought up his family.

Alejandro González Iñárritu wins best director after losing out with Birdman last year, and his speech was a snooze.

Sophia Bush presents and we’re so glad to have her back on television, Taraji P. Henson wins and adorably hands cookies out to the audience on her way to collect her award. As soon as she begins her speech they try to cut her off, which she calls them out for before giving a sweet speech.

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Jennifer Lawrence deservingly wins, proving she is here to stay as a modern day icon. Obviously her speech is a flurry with awkward moments that she knowingly laughs off. We’re still so in love with her.

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Tobey Maguire shows up for no reason, and Jim Carey has an awful beard, but he’s still the comedic genius we love. As he announces best motion picture comedy, it’s even more clear how Spy is the only true comedy. It should win by default. The Martian inevitably wins, and now we’re furious. His speech as read verbatim was well thought out and inspired, though the awkwardness of him continuing through minutes of the playoff music and panning out shots were palpably uncomfortable.

Eddie Redmayne has cheekbones for days after visibly slimming down his already tiny frame for his role in The Danish Girl. Brie Larson bags the Globe and we feel pangs of joy for the young girl, clearly thrilled and excited to be acknowledged. She thanks her young costar Jacob Tremblay which we love as he deserved some for of acknowledgment himself for his glorious performance.

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Leonado DiCaprio wins! Hopefully his luck continues to his first Oscar. The room goes wild for him, and as he takes the stage tanned and sleek, he looks like a true movie legend as he beams down to his audience. His speech is great, though it’s starting to bug us these people are cut off after 20 seconds.

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Harrison motherfucking Ford takes the stage to announce best motion picture drama. The Revenant wins, which is no shocker after actor and director both scooped awards. This was clearly the movie of the year according to the Globes.

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Ricky Gervais ends the proceedings with one last zinger “From myself and Mel Gibson, Shalom”.

So that’s that done with! We have a better view into what may snag Oscars this year which, let’s be real, is what really counts. Television was once more overlooked for the glitzy movie stars, and nothing of note was particularly exciting or controversial of the night. Heck, the biggest story that has come of it so far is Gaga brushing past Leo!

 

What did you think of last nights proceedings?

 

 

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