Survivor Season 34: Ranking The Contestants

Survivor: Game Changers (the 34th season!) has just begun, and before catching up we have decided to rank this seasons hopefuls.

Filled with competitors of seasons past, we have based the rankings on how we believe they will fare due to their history and new perspective gameplay.

20. Tony Vlachos


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 42                       Season 28: Cagayan (Winner)

Of course they brought him back, of course. He was such an egotistical, self-assured, loud douchebag in his initial season. He played super hard, super dirty, super erratically and somehow made it to the title of sole survivor. His crazy gameplay, and over-the-top personality is sure to rub his tribemates the wrong way making him the first cut.

19. Michaela Bradshaw


Tribe: Mana                      Age: 25                 Season 33: Millennials Vs. Gen X (14th)

What a mess. Michaela, God love her dramatics, was a terrible player. She was loud, rude, over-strategising, and antagonising. Her mouth got her in to trouble in the past, and we just can’t see her sitting back and relaxing this time around. She will be an early cull due to her bad attitude and lack of connections to others in the tribe.

18. Ciera


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 27                     Season 27: Blood Vs. Water (5th)
                                                                                Season 31: Second Chances (10th)

Ciera slayed when she sent her own mother home in her initial series of the show, other than that she was pretty much scraping the barrel making it as far as she did. Why they asked her back a second time we’re unsure of. Coming back a third time we are just dumbfounded. Girl has no game, whatsoever. She will leave whenever the tribe decides, an early cut for sure.

17. Brad Culpepper


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 47                       Season 27: Blood Vs Water (15th)

Never has somebody made such an impact, while having such little screentime on the show. During his time on his season Brad notoriously made a name for himself as one of the most disliked cast members ever. Not so much in the direction of intentionally, and delightfully so more just a douchebag. Fans and tribemates alike just do not like him. He will probably try to redeem himself but we can see the players just cutting him out pure hatred.

16. Troy “Troyzan” Robertson


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 54                       Season 24: One World (8th)

Quite clearly brought back by producers for his eccentric personality, we can not see Troy intergrating properly with the other members of the game. With such a large amount of physical and mental threats in the game it is unlikely he will be able to save himself for long before he is rightfully culled. Bye.

15. Debbie Wanner


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 51                       Season 32: Kaôh Rōng (9th)

Poor Debbie is a sweet, sweet mess. She’s fun, and eccentric, and a nice lady but as a player there’s just nothing there. She believes in loyalty, and being a decent person, both killers in this game. We’re sure she’ll have a great time, but she will just make up a number until the actual players have no use for her.

14. Caleb Reynolds


Tribe: Nuku                    Age: 27               Season 32: Kaôh Rōng (Evacuated)

Caleb is a tank for sure. He will be at the front of the pack in terms of winning challenges and providing for his team. He may also last a while thanks to his lack of intelligence. He is loyal and will fight for you, but lacks the foresight to plan ahead so he will be easy to switch on when the time comes.

13. Tai Trang


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 52                       Season 32: Kaôh Rōng (2nd)

Sweet Tai! He was a favourite on and off the island in his first run. Tribemates and viewers were both obsessed with his gentle and heartwarming nature. He seems loyal, sensitive, and trusting which are all awful traits in this game – but hey they worked last time! We think his endearing personality will make him an early target because everyone just loves him!

12. James “J.T.” Thomas Jr.


Tribe: Nuku                    Age: 31                   Season 18: Tocantis (Winner)
Season 20: Heroes vs Villains (10th)

J.T’s sweet demeanour, southern drawl, and all-American good looks made him an instant fan-favourite. His brawn and social game, alongside his smart and strategic friend made the pair the perfect power duo. Without the brains behind his game J.T. flopped hard with one of the dumbest moves in Survivor history. If he can find a loyal team we are sure he will fare decently, but we just do not have faith in his strategic mind against the other all-stars.

11. Sarah Lacina


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 32                       Season 28: Cagayan (11th)

I can not quite place Sarah in her original season, and this is what will be best for her game. There is no expectations, she is a blank slate able to play a lowkey game alongside some of the larger names in this cast. I can envision her sticking to a core alliance before inevitably being cast off once her use is no longer needed.

10. Cirie Fields


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 46                  Season 12: Panama (4th)
                                                                                 Season 16: Micronesia (3rd)                                                                                                                      Season 20: Heroes vs Villains (17th)

There have been hundreds of contestants on Survivor, why do they feel the need to bring people back four damn times? Cirie is regarded as one of the smartest players in Survivor history, losing out on wins due to bouts of bad luck. Her iconic strategic mind could carry her through if she can survive the inital cull, but we’re sure at some point she will be a major target.

9. Malcolm Freberg


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 29                       Season 25: Phillippines (4th)
Season 26: Caramoan (9th)

Malcolm did pretty well in both seasons in terms of game play but was never really that bitch. We don’t really see him comparing well strategy wise to some of his competitors, but if he can position himself in some sort of alliance and win a few challenges he could fair relatively well.

8. Sierra Dawn Thomas


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 29                       Season 30: Worlds Apart (5th)

Sierra made it through her original season by following an alliance blindly and loyally until they cut her off. If she can take this good reputation to work her way to the end without being afraid to deviate to create her own personal moves then she might stand a chance. We’re not holding our breathes and are half expecting a complete repeat.

7. Sandra Diaz-Twine


Tribe: Mana                Age: 41                 Season 7: Pearl Islands (Winner)
                                                                      Season 20: Heroes vs Villains (Winner)

There is no conceivable way that the only two-time winner could pull out a third victory, but we’re sure Sandra has some tricks up her sleeve to move along her game quite a bit. She is known for being a scrappy lady, able to get herself out of even the most dire of situations. We’re sure our comeback queen will pull some tricks out of her sleeve, and while we’re totally here for a hat trick – we just don’t see it happening.

6. Aubry Bracco


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 30                       Season 32: Kaôh Rōng (2nd)

Aubry was one of our top picks in her initial season. She is second to none when it comes to brains, and strategy but it is her lacking social game that is her biggest downfall. We can see her pulling the strings throughout most of the seasons, but when push comes to shove she may not have the clout to save herself from a blindside.

 5. Ozzy Lusth


Tribe: Nuku                    Age: 34                     Season 13: Cook Island (2nd)
Season 16: Micronesia (9th)                                                                                                                        Season 23: South Pacific (4th)

Ozzy is one of those characters suited to life on the island, and is a clear favourite of the producers, he just doesn’t have it in him to pull out a win. We’re sure he will be able to negotiate himself quite far throughout the competition, and his passion to finally make it will spur him to win immunities; only to fall short at the end.

4. Hali Ford


Tribe: Mana                          Age: 26                     Season 30: White, Blue, No Collar (11th)

Hali is in perhaps the best position of any player this year. She’s young, pretty, sweet, and was a total non-entity during her original season. If she can fly under the radar and stick to the right people I have faith she can emerge in the later half of the show to make moves and kick butt. She has everything going for her, but unfortunately she will probably be wallpaper once more.

3. Zeke Smith


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 28                         Season 33: Millennials Vs. Gen X (9th)

By the time this season was filmed, the other contestants would not have seen Zeke’s gameplay as his season had not aired. This sets him up well as a mysterious gamer. He can start afresh after his previous trial run and correct his mistakes. We have all the faith in the world for our fellow homo and think he can make it far with his dry humour, and perception.

2. Andrea Boehlke


Tribe: Nuku                          Age: 27                 Season 22: Redemption Island (5th)
Season 26: Caramoan (7th)

Andrea may not seem like a threat, but she is good at this game, and knows how to work the system. In her previous seasons she was the pretty, young girl who lacked the tenacity to truly succeed. After learning from her mistakes and having time to grow as a person we believe she will come back hungry for the win and be an undercover threat to her tribe mates.

 1. Jeff Varner


Tribe: Mana                  Age: 50                  Season 2: Australia (10th)
Season 31: Second Chances (17th)

Perhaps an odd choice for winner amongst some of these greats, but his terrible track record could assist in his victory. His original game was so far ago that so much has changed, and he was not around long enough on his sophomore season to find that out. We think if he aligns himself well, and allows the hardball players to take each other out, he can use his social game to emerge with a win.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s