There are a number of necessities needed in preparation for a holiday, but beyond the usual planning is a whole other side of things when readying yourself for a gay holiday. If you are planning on going away any time soon be sure to read our guide!
Pale skin is a sign of a weaker human. Everybody looks better with a tan, period. So when you’re away on your vacation surrounded by gorgeously golden locals, you don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. Aside from aesthetic purposes, the base tan also helps build your natural tan, with less chance of you burning. Nobody wants to spend the last four days of their holiday hiding under an umbrella, slathering on the aftersun after going to hard to quickly in the first few days. Get your tan before you go so you can focus your none-tanning hours on having fun, and getting wreckt.
The ever illusive ‘summer body’, the key to gaining it is knowing you’re not going to. You ain’t ever gonna have the perfectly chiseled abs of those Greek Gods you thirst follow on Insta, it’s just not going to happen for you. Your summer body should be an achievable goal personal to you that will make you feel good about yourself, of good enough to wear next to nothing for a week or two. Stop being a messy slut, and just cut the cal’s for a few weeks, swap the wine for vodka sodas, and do a few sit ups. That will make letting yourself go to fuck on your holidays all the better. Heck, if you’re lucky the foreign food might even give you the shits – that’s ten pounds lost in one sitting.
If you’re a rational human being, you’ll dig out your old shorts and vests from summers past, but if you’re a super cute, and a real bad bitch you’ll drop a few weeks pay on a whole new wardrobe for the upcoming festivities. As each summer passes the short are getting shorter, and the tops are all tighter. We ditch our usual uniform of all black, and splash out in daring colours and patterns – with only a week or two to make a lasting impression you’ve got to go big or go home to make your impact. No matter where you travel to booty shorts are the universal code for ‘homo’ so pack them in spades!
Now that you have your holiday gear packed to cover the smallest amount of flesh possible, you need to make damn sure your exposed meat is ogle-worthy – all eyes are soon to be on you. Wax, trim, pluck, and strip away all of your winter coat to avoid being mistaken for Bigfoot and being lynched on the beach. Now the amount you prefer to de-hair yourself is completely subjective just remember the less hair, the easier to tan, and make sure you get every nook and cranny because after an afternoon of bottomless mimosas, skinny dipping is bound to happen.
Learn The Locale
Planning trips is for losers, and old people – we could not agree more! But make sure to at least glimpse over your vacation spot, to be sure you’re casting as wide a net as possible for any potential holiday romances. Is there a nude beach nearby? Any gay nightlife? Or tribute acts? The gays love a good tribute artist when on their jollies. The snaps from this holiday have to last you the rest of the year until your next summer holiday so make sure you find a good range of beaches, oceans, mountains, landscapes, and other scenery to keep your dismal followers entertained and envious.
Brush Up On The Language
When travelling to a new corner of the Earth it is truly enriching to completely immerse yourself in that countries culture, and embracing the local dialect is the perfect way to demonstrate your appreciation for the locals in their own land. Really, you only need to learn the basics “two vodka sodas please”, “”20 Marlborough Lights, not Reds”, and “top or bottom?” are just a few favourites in our multilingual dictionary. Keep Google Translate on standby for any Grindr convo, and find a cute bilingual waiter who will give you a few tips for tips.
Fix Up Your Apps
If you’re struggling to find your holiday romance by enjoying long walks down a sunset beach, or slut dropping in the local disco – you’ll be feeling pretty desperate by the tail end of your getaway and you never want to put yourself in the kind of position where you will settle for any Tom, Dick, or Pedro – so prep your apps beforehand. Even if you don’t plan on using them for a seedy hookup, it is better to be safe than sorry so hedge your bets by downloading a range of dating apps because you will be surprised which ones are more popular in your chosen city. These are just flings, so you can be whoever you want for the summer; Tristan Welles, Editor at GQ magazine? Yup, that’s me!
Get Your Game Face On
No matter if you’re on holiday for a long weekend, a fortnight, or a whole three month summer – the time will fly by in an instant – so get off your ass and stop being such a Basic Betty. You’ve got to be prepared to make the most of every moment, and do everything, and anybody you choose. This vacay is all about you, all for you, and all because of you so live. it. up.