Guide To: Rebounding

Now that we have given you a thorough, and uplifting guide to dealing with a breakup it is time to disregard all of those lessons and to instead give in to your heightened, clouded emotions and rebound!

Before embarking on a rebound you need to decide what it is exactly that you are entering this for. A rebound can be good for certain things but they can not provide you with everything you need at this time, if they could, you wouldn’t be wasting them as a post-break-up palette cleanser.

Physical

The most common of rebounds, this fella abides by the “get under somebody to get over somebody” ideology, but tread carefully, they are not to be treated as more than a penis on legs. Do not make a purchase without doing a thorough browse first, you may be desperate for a lay but like every craving that will soon pass, it is nothing to lose your standards over. We’re not holding out for Mr. Right or anything but we don’t want to share our cookie with just anyone; ideally it will be somebody super buff, and insta ready so that you can show him off and ‘accidentally’ bump into your ex with him – sure you may not have feelings for him but if you appear to be winnin’, you winnin’. Don’t feel bad for this guy, he’s only here for the short-lived no-strings sex. Win-win.

Online

This option is a better suit to the more needy of us out there. While the physical dude can be great fun, the mental rebound can prevent us from having to endure those lonely, depressing nights. Having a placeholder to speak to in place of your ex will keep you occupied until you eventually realise just how boring they are and begin icing them out. It’s kinda like weaning a dummy from a baby. You get all of the romance, and the comfortableness without the fear of actually having to follow through on anything.

Mental

If you’re tired of being stuck in the house by yourself all day it may be an idea to invest in a rebound to take you out on a few dates, and reintroduce you to the world of polite society after stewing as an unwashed mess for far too long. You will genuinely enjoy the time you spend together, engaging with this guy, and laughing so hard you will be full of positive vibes. This dude will always end up as a friend whose number you forget to save, and eventually lose in the back of your phone, but without him you may never have found yourself again this soon – plus free food totally helps a broken heart.

Type

Everybody has a type, but for the rebound dude its good to find a polar opposite solution to what you’re used to. This will help spark your interest in opening up to new oppurtunies, and new people. If you were dating a preppy frat boy, its time to try an experienced French man; or a native of whatever country you happen to vaycaying in that week; or an introverted, but well hung, performance artist. Now is the time to lose your mind and try a flavour you may never experience again. Besides, you don’t want to look like a desperate Debbie trying to score an inferior carbon copy of your ex back on your arm – the best way to show you’ve moved on is to do so with someone so different that it’ll look like you were just itching to get a little flavour in your life

Timing

Timing is everything with a rebound – it doesn’t need to be an exact science but if you stay within an allotted recommendation then you’re on for a winner. Firstly, the time to strike up after a relationship. Now you want to get in there before your ex moves on and you have to see that plastered all over social media, but not too soon you look heartless and end up bursting into tears while some rando goes down on you. Between 3 weeks to 3 months is the ideal window to nab a guy. Then there is the timing to keep the guy, and we usually stick to the same time window as above, depending on how often you see them. If its daily then 3 weeks is more than enough, semi regularly visits can stretch to 3 months of fun – you need enough time to wind down and learn how to be by yourself but not too long that either of you begin to develop serious feelings.

Nix The Feelings

Speaking of the above, the central rule to enjoying any rebound is: No feelings. It may be hard but this is not going to be the new love of your life. Your instincts will tell you to rush in, copy and paste this dude in where your boyfriend was and have a new relationship start too fast too soon to play catch. You need to remember that you can not force anything, and as unfortunate as it may be you will have to start all over at the beginning. So if you are going to choose a rebound, know that they are a temporary option, and if you need 2, or 3, or even 12 to fully heal, go for it but just be sure to stay true to the rules.

Save The Heartbreak

A breakup goes hand in hand with heartbreak: even when you’re playing bed roulette with a roster of guy, the saddened feelings are still there, bubbling under the surface and they are going to explode sooner or later. A rebound can buy you a little time, and they can ease you into a position where you are inevitably going to end up, rather than you plummeting immediately but they are essentially a band aid – not a permanent fix. When you’re ready to move on its time to strip back the dudes, and allow yourself to feel everything that you’ve been avoiding.

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